CineBad!!!

Yawn. A group of people is sailing through Florida, oops, I mean, the Amazon jungle to find a lost tribe to make a documentary about. The people include Ice Cube (the tough guy from LA), Jennifer Lopez (the t&a), Kari Wuhrer (the girl who screams), Eric Stoltz (the smart guy who is incapacitated due to an impromptu tracheotomy), Owen Wilson (the blond guy who’s gonna die any second), and Jon Voight (the snobby English guy who plays golf). That’s about all you need to know about the characters in this film.

While travelling down the river, they meet an ex-priest who now devotes his life to finding snakes and selling them to zoos. He tricks them all into trying to capture a live anaconda- a snake of giant bad computer graphics proportion who eats its victims and then pukes them up so he can go kill more. This guy, due to the music that’s played whenever he’s around, turns out to be the Bad Guy. He goes nuts and becomes a man obsessed with capturing the snake, and killing the documentary crew.

The best part of the film comes when the snake eats the Bad Guy, and then barfs him up whole so he can go after Jennifer Lopez. Bad Guy’s partially digested corpse winks at her. Yum. Avoid this movie at all costs, unless you like gazing at Jennifer Lopez’s cleavage and butt.