CineBad!!!

Did you ever wonder what happened to the boy from the Blue Lagoon? Well here he is, a couple of dacades later, as Dracula. Our story opens at the art gallery opening of Theresa, a lonely art restorer. Suddenly, a mysterious pasty-faced Rumanian who introdeces himself as Vlad appears. Sparks fly, and he offers Theresa a job restoring a portrait of a creepy-looking guy in an abandoned monestary in Transylvania. Does Theresa hesitate to embark upon this rather odd career move? Of course not! Off she goes to Transylvania. We can tell she’s in another country from the gratutous shots of taxis with the word “TAKSI” written on them.

Theresa starts having strange flashbacks of the monestary as it stood several hundred years ago. She sees a woman who looks strangely like herself being burned at the stake. What’s going on? Does it have something to do with the eerie portrait of Vlad the Impaler that she’s restoring?

Enter Alec (Wert,) a bad vampire who’s trying to mess things up for Vlad and Theresa. You see, Vlad chose the immortality and low melanin levels over mortality, so he could avenge the wrongful death of Theresa, his love of a few centuries ago who was wrongfully burned as a witch. The modern-day Theresa is a re-incarnation of her, and Alec thinks she should be turned into a vampire. Vlad loved her so much he wants her to stay human after all, and die a regular death.

Meanwhile, Theresa senses something is up and goes prowling around the monestary to see what’s going on. She wakes up on a bed with a cross drawn on her chest in blood. This forces her to run around helplessly in the labyrinthine tunnel of corridors beneath the monestary encountering vampires who look like bad last-minute Hallowe’en lawn decorations.

This movie ranks so high on the Cheese scale I have to recommend it to everybody, whether they are a vampire afficianado or not! It’s especially worth it to see Vlad’s leering Vampiric expression in every scene. Watch the film, you’ll know what I’m talking about. If you have time to see only one vampire movie in your lifetime, let it be Dracula Rising.