CineBad!!!

I was really psyched when I saw this, because it predicts that we’ll have anti-gravitational skateboards in 27 years. Oh, and Chelsea Clinton will be president. Anti-gravitational skateboards will be fun! Of course, that’s a lot of technological advancing to do in a couple of decades, so scientists had better get hopping! I mean, think about it, how far has technology come in the past 27 years? We went from Pong to Sega- hardly a transition of antigravitational proportions. Anyway, it’s still cool.

In the future of 2026, there is a game called Futuresport. It was invented by Fixx (Wesley snipes), a Rasta-sage like dude (people with island accents are always wise sages. See my commentary on Meet Joe Black and Rear Window), in order to solve gang warfare in the “Down Zone” (ie ghetto). Now if you were going to invent a new sport, wouldn’t you call it “electroball” or “skateball” or something? I mean, Futuresport is a bit vague.

Futuresport involves people throwing an electrified ball around a cement rink. If you look closely at some of the shots, you can actually see that the players are wearing rollerblades, and that the filmmakers have forgotten to digitally add antigravitaional skateboards. It’s kind of funny, but confusing at first.

Things have gone wrong, however, for the world of Futuresport. Because of some vague incident involving Vanessa Williams, Futuresport is now a multibillion dollar professional enterprise, rather than a ghetto bonding event. This disgusts The Fixx, who meant it to be a constructive way of acting out territorial aggressions.

Enter the Bad guys. The HLO (Hawaiian Liberation Organization) has resorted to terrorism in order to gain independence from the North American States. It’s run by Hilo ( ), a Hawaiian villain of comic-book proportions who has Maori-like tatoos all over his face. You know he’s Bad because of this.

Anyway, there’s some vague plot line, and our hero ( ) decides that he’s going to solve the problem by challenging the HLO to a big game of futuresport. There’s a big showdown scene- can you guess who wins?

This is a delightfully cheesy look at the future. The bad special effects, corny dialogue and cheesy vision of the future make it especially effortless to pick on.