CineBad!!!

From the opening scene on a beach where star-crossed lovers frolic in the waves to a cheesy rendition of “Love is a Many-Splendored Thing”, to the end where they drive off into the clouds in a Greased-lightening powered “pussy wagon,” this film is packed with more cheese than the state of Wisconsin. Haven’t you always wanted to see a nostalgic look at the ’50s, as perceived in the ’70s? It’s kind of like a long episode of Happy Days, only with more gratuitous scenes involving The Hustle. Be sure to get the 20th Anniversary Edition, which features the cast members endlessly rambling on about the social importance of this film.

We follow the senior year of summer lovers Sandy (Newton-John) and Danny (Travolta), as they race cars, and try to forget that they’re hopelessly devoted to each other. You see, in a fit of macho-ness, Danny dissed Sandy at a football game. He feels terrible that he lost her, yet his desire to uphold his tough image keeps him from sharing his true feelings. Alas, Sandy takes this to mean that he doesn’t care. But it was never meant to be. Sandy is a goody-two-shoes proper virginal kinda girl, and Danny is a tough greaser type who spends his spare time souping up old cars so that they run like “greased lightning” and then racing them against hoods from rival gangs.

Basically, that’s the movie. Except for the musical numbers. Don’t forget them! Don’t miss “Beauty School Dropout,” where Frankie Avalon gets to prance around amongst a chorus line of beauty scholars with giant stacks of metallic rollers on their heads. Dr Who aliens watch out! Their head gear would put the lowest budget British sci-fi series to shame! And don’t miss “Greased Lightning,” the homoerotic ode to car repair, as Danny and friends prance about in sparkly Devo-esque shop suits, crooning about their fantasy “fuel injection cutoffs and chrome plated rods oh yeah.”

I think this movie shaped a generation. This was not my generation, however, so I really don’t understand the appeal. I have met people who can recall the first time they saw this film, who their date was, and what they were wearing. It’s sort of scary. I mean, the basic moral of this Baby Boomer nostalgia trip is that things will all work out if only you dress like a disco slut. Chang chang, changetty chang choo-bop.