CineBad!!!

It seems like everyone’s re-doing Shakespeare these days. Irwin Allen jumps on the Postmodern bandwagon in this rendition of the Bard’s best-known work. Of course, Allen, the Disaster Movie King, couldn’t resist throwing in what he does best. So Good Ole Bill probably didn’t forsee a big shipwreck scene when Rosekrantz (Damon Wayans) and Guildenstern (Martin Lawrence) take Hamlet to England. Little known is the scene that Shakeaspeare actually cut out, involving a big fire in Elsinore. Originally, Shakespeare thought it might be too hard for Elizabethan producers to stage. However, Allen stages this scene from the newly restored version with remarkable respect for the time period. In this original version, Ophelia (Molly Ringwald) hurls herself from the window of the burning castle (in this case it’s the Elsinore Hotel in Vegas) to commit suicide. Are you reading this review in manic anticipation? Are you drooling at the prospect of such a thing? Well, sorry, this movie doesn’t actually exist. It should, but doesn’t. If it ever gets made, I will keel over and die a happy camper.