CineBad!!!

When Rolling Stone bad-boy reporter Adam Lawrence (Travolta) decides to do a steamy exposee on California health clubs, revealing them to be the torried cesspolls of cheap sex and drugs that they are, he didn’t count on meeting sexy Slimnastics (no, I’m not making that up!) instructor Jessie (Curtis,) a headstrong young woman with a controversial past. At first, the two can’t stand each other, but after a few pulsating, gyrating, sweaty Slimnastic workouts, they fall madly in love. As Jessie explains, “This next phase exercises the most important muscle group… it should last from 15 to 20 minutes.”

Uhm, ok, whatever! This film was actually pretty OK, yet I don’t feel compelled to go into details. Jessie has a deep-seated mistrust of reporters, centered around the affair she had with her instructor, back when she was a pre-olympic teenage Slimnastic wunderkind. The tabloids picked the story up, ruining her career as well as her faith in humanity. Will Adam Do The Right Thing, and write a cheery, upbeat article about the benefits of bone-shaking, pulsing, pounding, hot, sweaty, passionate Slimnastic exercise, or will he write a trashy exposee about Linda (Newman,) the health-club diva who just wants to become “perfect,” with the occasional gang-bang thrown in for fun?

Starring Jann Wenner, real-life publisher of Rolling Stone as Mark Roth, sweaty misanthropic fake-life publisher of Rolling Stone, and Laraine Newman of SNL fame as beach blanket bimbo Linda, this movie is sure to please with its graphic depictions of life on the edge with the bean-sprout set. Don’t miss the disturbingly androgynous exerchamp at his big AerobiContest ’85 (again, not making it up) debut! Try not to gag during the big Travolta exerscene.