CineBad!!!

The film is obviously a must for fans of The Once and Future Price (aka the artist formerly known as “The Artist Formerly Known as Prince”) but I’ll admit that Scooter and I rented it just to flesh out our new “Rock ‘n Roll” genre. Still, Purple Rain was a nice cheesy flick.

This movie is all about “The Kid,” a hot young Minneapolis rocker. He has the bike, he has the clothes, he has the hairdo, he even has the Lesbian band mates, but he hasn’t got the Girl. That’s Apollonia, a negatively talented young star-not-to-be who comes into town and insinuates herself into the local show biz scene with her ingratiating charms. Yes, she’s a totally transparent sycophant, yet she captures the moody heart of The Kid. Maybe it’s because she obeys his every whim, like for instance jumping naked into a lake in the middle of Fall. It might also be her big, bouncy hair.

But all is not peachy for the Kid. There’s a long, drawn-out subplot involving his dad, a failed musician who likes to beat up his mom. The Kid gets to cry a lot and deal with his blossoming masculinity in a touching way.

Basically, though, despite his troubled home life, Prince basically comes off as a big self-absorbed jerk throughout this film. Who else would decorate his room with huge blow-ups of his own face? Who else would masturbate on-stage in the middle of a performance? Who else would not allow his girlfriend to sing in his band, then turn around a dis her when she gets a gig somewhere else?

In the end, however, we come to the touching conclusion that the Kid’s personality problems stem from his own father, who only beats his wife because he, too was a self-absorbed hot young star who burnt up too fast and never made it big.

I must say though, I can’t pretend not to like The Artist Formerly Known as Talented’s great 80’s hits! When Doves Cry was one of my favorite songs when I was nine years old, and it’s still pretty kick-ass today. Since the movie was basically made to promote Prince’s album (written and directed by Prince’s manager, for cryin’ out loud) there are many scenes of Prince onstage with his band. It’s also a hoot hearing The Time’s Jungle Love, a song I had almost forgotten about. At least, as 80’s pop-star career vehicles go, Purple Rain is about two thousand times more entertaining than Who’s That Girl?!