CineBad!!!

This movie made me realize the magic of bad cinema. If it weren’t for this film, I probably would not be the cynical obnoxious person I am today regarding the Silver Screen! There are so many things wrong with this film that it’s completely effortless to sit back and make fun of it. You just sit there with a look of bewilderment, thinking “How could someone be that stupid?”

Laura (Julia Roberts) marries Martin (Bergin), a guy whom she later discovers is an obsessive-compulsive psycho freak. He reprimands her for hanging towels unevenly on the towel rack. He flips out if the canned food isn’t arranged neatly according to height in the cupboards. He holds her prisoner in a Cape Cod beach house that looks like it was donated by the Conran’s Habitat catalogue. And she didn’t notice any of this strangeness when she married him. Apparently, a perfectly nice dashing handsome rogue turned into a psycho upon returning from his honeymoon. Ok. If you can believe that, we’ll go onto the rest of the film.

Laura eventually escapes from Martin. She fakes her own death by drowning.(she supposedly can’t swim, but has been taking swimming lessons in secret), why does her swimming instructor call her husband at work to offer condolences? Wouldn’t any normal stranger just send a card? This tips him off to the fact that she may not be dead… he hunts her down… He finds her blind mother (who is about 80. She’s probably not 30 yet. So she was born when her mom was 50+? I suppose it could happen) whom she is desperately trying to protect…

Meanwhile, Laura has begun a new life in a charming little town in the pacific northwest. Her next door neighbor is a drama professor (Anderson) who has the hots for her, even though she’s mean to him and generally exudes high-maintainence neuroses. I always thought that men didn’t like this sort of whiny needy behavior. I guess I was wrong. Anyway, after a gratuitous hat- trying on scene, Laura and her new beau become more attached. Unfortunately, by this time, Martin has tracked Laura down. Luckily he loads his gun with exactly 4 bullets, so everyone can live happily ever after.

If you’ve ever thought of hiding your wedding ring so your psycho husband can’t find it in the toilet (without bothering to flush), then this is the movie for you! Plus, some video stores have a special free rental about the making of this movie. Such a bargain!