CineBad!!!

Based upon the timeless, teen-angst classic, Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, this film adaptation was a terrifying depiction of one young woman’s descent into annoyance. Scooter and I stared at the screen dumbfounded (well, maybe not completely dumbfounded) for two hours while Esther Greenwood (Hassett) pranced around throwing temper tantrums and screaming and generally, just freaking out over little stupid things. What, you say? You say that that’s the way depressed people act? Well, let me just say… no. I read The Bell Jar, and it’s a pretty good book. However, I’m sure that if this movie had been made as soon as the book came out, Ms. Plath wouldn’t have wasted so much time in offing herself.

Here’s the plot in a nutshell: Ester is a bright young college student with a lot of talent. She writes a villanelle and gets invited to work for a summer at a ritzy fashion mag in New York City. She has many adventures in the Big Apple, including getting into a screaming match with her editor, getting sexually assaulted by a blind date, and throwing all of her clothes out of the window. She also has many poignant flashbacks of her boyfriend Buddy (Parker,) a big dork who just wants to do the nasty with her. You really can’t blame Esther for not wanting to get hot ‘n heavy with Buddy, because even his mere presence onscreen in a constant source of irritation. However, Esther looses her sympathy chip pretty quickly.

After Esther’s job in NYC is up, she has to go back home to the suburbs and live with her mom, a creepy widow. Esther starts to loose her cookies. She’s a total over-achiever, and when people question her natural intellectual superiority, she flips out. She also gets turned down for a summer writing program, so she’s bored and doesn’t know what to do with herself. I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m bored, I spend a lot of time eating raw hamburger and visiting cemetaries. (Actually, I did visit the cemetary a lot during my painful teenage years… which I guess is the point of this film.) Aanyway, Esther’s dad dies when she was really little, and her creepy mom forbids all mention of his name. Could this be part of Esther’s problem? Gee.

Why is it that whenever an insane woman in a movie has to leave a message, it’s always written on the mirror in lipstick? Is this some kind of feminist statement about the nature of cosmetics? Are Hollywood producers ironically implying that women express themselves through make-up? Or do filmmakers simply assume that women don’t know how to use any other writing instrument? I don’t know, but Esther gets a lot of practice.

Eventually Esther downs a bunch of sleeping pills and wakes up in a sanitarium. Her mom won’t admit that she has a problem, which causes Esther to flip out and scream at her at random intervals. Esther also gets electro-convulsive shock treatment and stares at the wall blankly and other fun things. I won’t go into details. Eventually Esther is cured and her best friend hangs herself. The End.

It’s fun, though, watching Esther flip out and scream at people. For one thing, she’s supposed to be nineteen, yet the woman playing her is obviously in her thirties. Dust off your old high school journals, light a clove cigarette, and watch this movie with your depressed teenage poet friends.