CineBad!!!

First of all, Laurence Fishburne will always be Cowboy Curtis to me, even so, he’s pretty good at kicking butt. But that aside, this film was pretty funny. Somehow, artificial intelligence has enslaved humanity to use it for the energy it produces, since the humans destroyed the sun, or the ozone layer, or some other environmental type disaster thing occurred. In order to better enslave humanity, the machines have developed a giant computer program in which people live “normal” late-1990s style lives complete with jobs and grumpy bosses.

Why didn’t the machines just sedate the humans, THX-1138 style? Why didn’t they just make them listen to Enya for their entire lives? Why go to the trouble? Oh, yeah. I’m missing the point. Fight sequences. You can’t have good fight sequences if humanity stays enslaved.

A ragtag band of renegade humans decide to take on The Matrix and free humankind. They get a leg up by downloading information straight into their brains via a jack everyone has installed in his or her skull. That’s how Neo (Reeves) becomes a master at Kung Fu. I really wish I could download information straight into my brain! I’ve been wanting to learn Swahili for a while…

Anyway, another thing about the enslaved Future is that everyone has cool names, like Trinity, Morpheus, Mouse, Switch, Dozer, etc. They also get to wear lots of leather, and the regulation-issue Post Apocalyptic Film Gloves. Take note: in every post-apocalyptic film, form The Road Warrior to The Postman and everything in between, people are forced to wear fingerless gloves. So take that into heart, humanity: if you want your descendants to be able to keep their digits warm, let’s try to get along, OK?

Back to the film– very cheesy. I really can’t say anything else. Words can’t describe it!