This was basically a 2 hour episode from “Tales from the Darkside,” but how could you resist a movie from cheesemeister Stephen King? It’s the tale of Billy (Burke), a rather portly lawyer who defends mafia guys. While getting a blow-job from his cheating wife, he acidentally runs over and kills a “gypsy” with his Yuppiemobile. His judge and police friends help cover-up the incident and he gets away scot-free. Or does he?
The gypsy’s father, (Michael Constantine, in a very bad make-up job) puts a curse on him with one word: “thinner.” Then for Billy comes every teenage girl’s dream- Billy begins to lose weight at an alarming rate. Because he’s so chubby, at first he’s relieved. He can eat all the food he wants and not gain a pound. Billy’s wife has been keeping track of his weight for some time now, since she put him on a diet of lumpy purplish breakfast shakes. All of Billy’s gains and losses are recorded in his wife’s laptop, in a spreadsheet and fed into a little line graph that shows his daily weight curve. Wow! Richard Simmons should get into the software business!
But Billy’s not the only one affected by this curse. Billy’s judge friend’s psoriasis goes haywire, causing him to look like a lizard. He eventually kills himself, much to the relief of his wife. Billy’s policeman friend, who testified that Billy wasn’t drunk, gets serious bleeding wart-like growths all over his body and ends up shooting himself.
Now Billy’s on a mission. Billy’s latest client, mafia guy Richie Ginelli (Joe Montegna)’s Italian mother has some old-world wisdom on the subject of gypsy curses. She maintains that only the gypsy who cursed him can take it off. Thus Billy, now gaunt and weak, goes in search of the gypsy, to get him to remove the curse. He inlists the help of Richie, who opens a can of whoop-ass on the gypsys’ butts.
The old gypsy finally decides to take the curse off of Billy, by stabbing him in the hand, and making him bleed into a strawberry pie. He instructs Billy to feed the pie to someone, and then the curse will be on that person. Billy brings home a “surprise” to his wife, who’s been cheating on him with his best friend. She eats a piece before bed, and the next morning she looks like something out of a Jr High health class film about anorexia. Unfortunately, Billy’s sarcastic teenage daughter also finds the pie delicious… Billy is overcome with grief, but before he can bring the punishment upon himself by finishing off the pie, his best friend shows up looking for his wife…
This film is perfect to show at your OA meeting, or to your friends with eating disorders. Other than that, it’s fairly bland, the special effects are not that exciting, and it’s totally predictable. In other words, a perfect candidate for this site!
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