Snakes on a Plane

snakes_200.jpgI’ve HAD IT with these MOTHERFUCKIN’ SNAKES on this MOTHERFUCKIN’ PLANE!

It was an experience. It was an atmospheric happening. It was more than simply a movie; it was a collective adventure in cinematic exploration. The barriers between artist and viewer were smashed to a pulp from the moment we entered the theater, as the audience chanted “SNAKES! SNAKES! SNAKES!” over the pre-movie ads for washed up tv shows now running on TBS. The lights dimmed, people cheered. Previews for lame movies dragged on and on, prompting the snake-lovers to hiss, snake-like. When Samuel L.’s name appeared in the titles, joyous hissing, shouting of “SNAKES!” thundrous applause echoed through the cineplex. People cheered at everything cheer-worthy, even when the co-star pulled out a can of Red Bull someone yelled “YEAH PRODUCT PLACEMENT!” and everyone laughed and cheered. At the point in the movie where the snake containment door is counting down to when the snakes are released on the plane, the audience shouted “4… 3… 2… 1… SNAAAAAAAKES!!!” and the cheers were deafening. …And this was all waaaaaaay before Sam even got to his famous line.
The movie itself bucked most disaster movie traditions– there was no smack-worthy hysterical bitch, the old sage person was pretty funny in addition to being heroic and wise, and minimal ethnic people died, if any. It was disastrous, and yet almost parodied the genre, but without havint to resort to guitar-playing nuns and old lady Jive Translators. It was action-packed without being a soulless instant-gratification Stuff Blowing Up movie.

For the unforgettable imagery, there were gratuitous shots of nekkid boobies being attacked by snakes, a snake-on-wang induced death, snakes eating peoples’ eyes out, and even a WARNING: SPOILER small dog became a boa constrictor snack. Basically, a cinematic apex has been reached: this movie has everything. Snakes on a Plane managed to combine the most amusing, tense, and interesting formulas from both slasher movies and disaster flicks– it made you tense wondering who was going to die next (you were pretty much rooting for everyone). However, just when you were pondering the futility of humanity, and thinking about the beauty of simple survival, snakes would jump out and start maiming people and the blood would being to spatter. People don’t usually die Freddy Krueger style in disaster flicks, probably because filmmakers want to be sympathetic to the people in peril (except the obvious baddies who you know will die). Hey, the marrying of two cinematic traditions works for me!snakesoncrack.jpeg

This movie will totally be the next Rocky Horror Picture Show. People already showed up to this one with stuffed snakes, ready to cheer, boo and of course hiss at opportune moments. Coming to a small college auditorium nowhere near you in 20 years– Snakes on a Plane – the Total experience. Forget the wax lips– airline hostess costumes and leis are where it’s at for the reptilian cult of the future! Take note, future Newbury Comics merchandise buyers.


One Response to “Snakes on a Plane”

  1. jaykayess says:

    Now is time for snake on prane to SHAAT AAP!

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