Yo Yo Girl Cop

You’re probably thinking that this movie is a hip cry at a female officer, like “Yo, yo girl cop!” but it is not. It is exactly what it looks like– the cinematic portrayal of a teenaged girl recruited by the police, whose only weapon is a yo-yo. Granted the yo-yo can produce metal spikes when needed, but nonetheless it is still … a yo-yo. This film is apparently based on an 80s Japanese TV series, and it stars the Japanese teen idol Aya Matsuura, making it roughly analagous to, say Charlie’s Angels: the movie.

Our story opens with a teenage street urchin known only as ‘K’ being held in a jail in NYC. A police officer with a comically-exaggerated limp explains that there is a website called Enola Gay that all the kids are into that teaches them everything from how to kill themselves from how to build bombs with the stuff that you find in your school’s chemistry lab. Recently, an ominous countdown to an unnamed event showed up on the site… and it’s now K’s duty to find out what it is. Coincidentally, K’s mom is being held in another jail and her trial is in 3 days. Mom will magically get out of jail if K can pose as a high school student and get to the bottom of things.

The Limpy Guy is head of the Department of Underage Agents, and it’s his duty to train and recruit nubile young girls to infiltrate high schools around Japan to find out what the sinister underworld of teenagerdom is like. The last agent he recruited ended up strapping a bomb to herself and setting it off. K, now with the new code name of Asamiya Saki, is her new replacement. Thus K is shipped to Japan and given one weapon: a deadly yo-yo which somehow manages to be concealed in a slick leather holster around her thigh, though her schoolgirl uniform is nearly impossibly-short. Of course, she isn’t taught how to use the yo-yo, which results in a couple of comic relief scenes where she smacks herself in the head while trying to use it to deliver justice.

While in school, K uncovers all the regular stuff that goes on in high schools, including popular kids who bully loner girls and teachers who turn a blind eye to it. Bullying eventually leads these kids to the Enola Gay website, where they learn the fine art of strapping empty coke bottles full of what looks like grape ginger ale to themselves and blowing themselves up. But what is the big countdown for? Here’s where I got a little shaky on the plot due to my TV being so old that the tube has shifted below the frame thus obscuring subtitles. Though I was watching the film in “English dub” mode, I couldn’t see the translation of anything that was on the students’ computer screens, which might have been central to the plot.

Meanwhile, A badass dude at school has been going around slickly giving iPod Nanos to girls. There are suitcases full of money involved, and other intrigue points. The movie culminates in an epic battle between K and her school rival in an abandoned warehouse. The two girls have somehow managed to quickly shed their school uniforms for a leather cat suit that repels bullets (but not samurai sword blades), and a blinged-out Judas Priest-esque leather outfit. There they duke it out stylishly with their killer yo-yos, yelling such fiendishly diabolical lines as “you are going to die. RIGHT NOW!” and “I’ve had enough of this SHITTY SITUATION!”

Why did the Limpy Guy go all the way to NYC to find K to do what millions of other Japanese schoolgirls could have done? You’ll find out in the end, which is moderately heartwarming as everything wraps up nicely. K menacing the world with her killer yo-yo

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One Response to “Yo Yo Girl Cop”

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