CineBad!!!

This film is worth it just to see 17th century Scottish people prancing around in plaid tights. There’s a great scene involving a bagpiper rumble (although the pipes sound strangely like the woodwind section of a major orchestra…) The songs are delightfully cheesy, second in cheese only to the extremely low-tech sets.
In Aberdeen I used [...]

Funky Fresh, Munchkin Style Starring: Diana Ross, Nipsy Russell, Michael Jackson, Richard Pryor

This is such an awesome movie; I can’t believe that more people don’t remember it. I have vivid recollections of watching this on Showtime when I was a kid (back then there was a box that sat on the TV, [...]

The Golden Age of Hairdos
Starring: Ona Munson, Walter Huston, Victor Mature, Gene Tierney

What is The Shanghai Gesture? Is that like the Brooklyn Salute? Anyway, this sinful story takes place in Shanghai, the East’s City of Pleasure. Our tale revolves around Mother Gin Sling, an Asiatic Empress of Pleasure (totally played by a white lady, by [...]

What a life! Darby O’Gill traps a leprechaun in his barn, gets drunk with it, plays the fiddle alot, fights a banshee for his daughter’s life (the banshee looks a lot like the ghost costumes your mom used to make out of old sheets) and still finds time to grin in a toothless way now [...]

Starring: Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman
Everyone’s favorite Scientologist couple, Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman star in this drama about impoverished Ireland and the American Dream.
Tom Cruise is Joseph, a small tenant farmer’s son who tries to fight for his rights against the cruel tyrant landlord who turns out to be a nice [...]

Starring: Ricki Lake, Divine
Here’s a nostalgic look at the sixties that doesn’t involve Tom Hanks.
Long before Ricky Lake was the queen of daytime trash TV, she was the queen of the hop. Here she stars as Tracy Turnblad, a girl from the wrong side of the tracks who rises to fame [...]

Pa pa pa papapapap papapa Papageno! Starring: Josef Köstlinger, Håkon Hagegård, Ulrik Cold, Irma Urrila

What kind of monsters could sit there and make fun of Mozart’s magnum opus, The Magic Flute? What kind of monsters could rank on the masterpieces of Ingmar Bergman? Scooter and Krustee can! I love Bergman films, and [...]

I’ll bet you never thought one man’s thumb could provide so much entertainment Starring: Danny Kaye, Farley Granger, Zizi Jeanmaire, Joseph Walsh
This is the story of Hans Christian Andersen (Danny Kaye), as he keeps singing to us (”I’m Hans Christian Andersen” is guaranteed to get stuck in your head for weeks). Hans [...]

Honorabur Seeclet Agent Man brow up mountain-san of Evil! Starring: Patrick McGoohan
Ah so! Ancient cult of Death velly evil! This movie velly cheesy! Secret Agent man Mr. Drake save Japanese fishing village by browing up secret mountain lair of evil!
The movie begins with a crowded Tokyo street. [...]

Starring: Tanya Roberts, Ted Wass
When the sacred mountain rumbles, a golden she-goddess will take over, or something like that. Anyway, that she-goddess turned out to be Sheena, a little girl whose archaeologist parents got wiped out by the rumbling mountain. They were investigating why, when you buried people in sand up to their [...]

Starring: Karen Dotrice, Matthew Garber, Patrick McGoohan
Have you ever wondered where Scottish cats go when they die? This movie provides answers to all of your feline afterlife questions. I won’t give the secret away, but it involves giant statues and glittering showers of gold sparkles. Besides probing into the life and death [...]