CineBad!!!

Don’t let the lack of budget fool you– this movie is sort of deep. It’s a commentary on technology and the nature of humankind. well, sort of. It follows the trials of Starker, a guy on the run from two guys in  darkened office who follow his course around an unnamed city on their 80/88, [...]

Starring: Julia Roberts, Patrick Bergin, Kevin Anderson

This movie made me realize the magic of bad cinema. If it weren’t for this film, I probably would not be the cynical obnoxious person I am today regarding the Silver Screen! There are so many things wrong with this film that it’s completely effortless to sit back and [...]

Starring: Sharon Stone, Michael Douglas
Boobs. Boobs. Boobs. That’s the main point of this movie. Boobs and blood. Somebody is going around killing people. Who is it? It’s pretty obvious, but I won’t ruin the suspense. Sharon Stone stars as the key suspect, who bares her boobs, has sex with people and makes [...]

Haven’t you always wanted to see Boston from a retard’s point of view? Charly is a “retardate” who gets an operation that makes him smarter. Upon becoming smarter, he joins a biker gang and smokes pot and has a psychedelic experience with bad special effects. Then he comes to his senses, and becomes a genius, [...]

Starring: Nicholas Cage, John Malkovich, Colm Meaney, John Cusack
What happens when a bunch of convicted criminals hijack the plane they’re being transferred on? Lots of people get shot, and a lot of stuff blows up. People are forced to use catchy one-line threats such as “put… the… bunny… in… the… box!” before [...]

Starring: Juliette Lewis, Giovanni Ribisi, Diane Keaton, Tom Skerrit
OK, I’ll admit that Juliette Lewis is one of my least favorite actresses on the planet, so this review is a little bit biased. In fact, one of the only things worse then seeing Juliette Lewis in a movie is seeing Juliette Lewis play a [...]

Starring: Leonardo DiCaprio, Jeremy Irons, Gerard Depardieu, Gabriel Byrne, John Malkovich
The best part of this movie was seeing Athos’s (Malkovich) son doing his John Malkovich impression. I mean, he was really good at it! Other than that, this movie was fairly boring. It details the lives of the now washed-up Three Musketeers, as [...]

Starring: Jeff Bridges, Tim Robbins, Joan Cusack
Militias are so ‘96! I remember after the Oklahoma City bombing thing everyone was paranoid about militias. It seems like everyone who has ever experienced a bomb threat suddenly was convinced the militias were gathering in the hills, ready to blow up their workplace, shoot their dog, [...]

Starring: that chick from TV
So you thought the slasher horror film era was dead? You were right! I mean, No, here’s a another one.
Basically every single thing about this movie is 100% predictable, except where the film takes place. The anonymous letter to the main character seems to be addressed to [...]

You’d think they’d at least install a chair lift Starring: Bette Davis, Joan Crawford

I may have been mean to my sister when we were kids, but I never tried to feed her a dead budgie. This is the story of two show-business sisters, “Baby” Jane Hudson (Davis,) a washed-up vaudeville child star, [...]

Match made in Heaven, or Freudian nightmare? Starring: Ewan McGregor, Ashley Judd, Patrick Bergin, k.d. lang
I didn’t hate this movie as much as everyone in the audience when I saw it. As I was walking out, I heard many comments along the lines of, “a waste of film” and “a real [...]

Aw, go stick yer head in an oven already! Starring: Marilyn Hassett, Julie Harris, Jameson Parker

Based upon the timeless, teen-angst classic, Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar, this film adaptation was a terrifying depiction of one young woman’s descent into annoyance. Scooter and I stared at the screen dumbfounded (well, maybe not completely [...]

Starring: Anne Heche, Vince Vaughan
“Why?,” you ask yourself. “Because it’s never been done before” is the response. Well, OK. I’m all for experimentation… but please don’t do it again!
Gus VanSandt has re-created the Hitchcock thriller in this 1998 re-make. He’s done more than re-create it, however, he’s remade it almost exactly [...]

Starring: Ian McKellen, Brad Renfrow
Todd (Brad Renfrow), an average high school student, discovers that Karl, his neighbor (Ian McKellen) is a former Nazi war criminal. Todd becomes fascinated with him, to the point where he’d rather talk about death than get a blowjob from the girl he likes.

At first this film [...]

Starring: Patrick Bergin, Samuel West, Gabrielle Anwar
They probably called this film “The Ripper” because the title “Jack” was already taken by Robin Williams. It’s the tale of, you guessed it, Jack the Ripper, one of the world’s first highly publicized serial killers. I don’t know how historically accurate this film is, but [...]

Starring: Julia Roberts, John Malkovich
What happens when Dr. Jekyll falls for his servant girl? not much. Julia Roberts stars as Mary Reilly, yet another Julia Roberts character who spends a lot of time crying and being scared. Set in a 19th Century London studio set, Mary Reilly gets bitten by rats as [...]

Starring: Ewan McGregor, Josh Brolin, Patricia Arquette
I admit I saw this movie just because it has Ewan McGregor in it. So he’s not quite as cute when he’s trying to cover up his Scottish accent, so what? He plays Martin, a law student who gets a job as the night watchman for [...]

Starring: Charles Sheen
This film wasn’t actually as bad as it came across. In fact, I think it could have been really suspenseful and intriguing had the filmmakers had enough of a budget to hire a decent screenwriter, use good lighting and good quality film, and hired actors with real Scottish accents. [...]

Starring: Carol Kane, Molly Ringwald, Jeanne Tripplehorn
I debated reviewing this move, because it’s not really “bad.” It is however, extremely cheesy, and should prove extremely entertaining for the sick mind! Plus, when I discovered that Carol Kane had an uncredited appearance in Disney’s The Gnome Mobile (as, “Married Gnome,”) I knew that this [...]

Reach Out, Reach Out and Snuff Someone! Starring: Richard Chamberlain, Robin Gammell, Sara Botsford

Modern technology is truly wonderful. Not only can one now order videos, buy groceries, and commit adultery over the telephone, we can now commit murder! Richard Chamberlain stars as Nat Bridger, an adventurous college professor who just wants to [...]