CineBad!!!

A girl (Rebecca) gets knocked up by her boyfriend. She wants to give the baby up for adoption, but somehow her boyfriend, a blond jocky-looking guy in a fabulously yellow sweater, has convinced her to just “go inside and see what it’s like” to an abortion clinic.
This is no ordinary abortion clinic, mind you. It’s [...]

Starring: Hugo Weaving, Natalie Portman
This movie, based on the graphic novel by Alan Moore and David Lloyd, comes off as a weird hybrid of 1984 and Zorro: The Gay Blade. Set in a futuristic, post-capitalistic Britain, where the police are brainless thugs, the Anglican Church has turned into a weird pseudo-Nazi regime, and women [...]

Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Ron Perlman
It’s 200 years after Ellen Ripley has been killed by Aliens. Scientists have cloned her, and are now trying to breed Aliens to use for experiments.
Ripley’s clone is the first human-Alien hybrid, and she’s one mean motha’! She can knock out tough guys by hitting them with [...]

Haaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Starring: Denise Crosby, Sam Bottoms, Rip Torn, Chris Demetral, Candace Hutson, Ed Gale

Marilyn and Eliot Read (the radiant Denise Crosby and the unfortunately named Sam Bottoms) are two rich American yuppies who move to Mexico with their two adorable offspring to buy a doll factory. This doll factory is going to [...]

Starring: Alison Elliot, Jared Smith, Christopher Walken
Guess what? for once, even though he gets his head chopped off early on in the film, Christopher Walken does not play a bad guy!! At least I don’t think he was all bad. He was kind of creepy and sinister, but not actually bad.
Nora (Elliott) [...]

Starring: Nicole deBoer, Nicky Guadagni, David Hewlett, Maurice Dean Wint

Our story opens with a guy waking up in a strange room… He opens a hatch and goes into another room just like the one he was in… then he gets sliced up like a hard-boiled egg in one of those wire [...]

Starring: Liam Neeson, Frances McDormand, Larry Drake
I watched this movie and was a bit confused. On the one hand, it was so incredibly cheesy it was amazing. No movie made in the 90s could be this un-self-consciously cheesy! So I thought to myself, “It must be a joke. It’s a parody.” I’m still [...]

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney

The plot is simple: Arnold Schwarzenegger, a disgruntled alcoholic former cop, saves the world from a Satanic prophesy by wielding large weapons. What more can I say? The cheese is laid on thick in this high predictability factor action thriller. Lots of stuff blows up, and there [...]

Everyone the world over can revel at the sight of NYC being destroyed. When I lived in Ireland, people who had never stepped foot in North America would joke with me about how dirty NYC is, and how nasty its inhabitants are. So this film is sure to be a winner with them.
We see [...]

Starring: Lily Tomlin
Also known as “Hjälp, Jag Krympar!” (Help, I’m Shrinking!) in Sweden, this was one of my favorite movies when I was a kid, largely because, when Lily Tomlin gets tiny enough, she gets to live in the Barbie dream house and snuggle up with Ken.
We watch Lily become a [...]

Starring: Patrick Stewart
Some vampire aliens come to Earth and impersonate humans, eventually taking over the dreariest, most badly lit gothic parts of London. Watching Captain Picard projectile vomit most of the blood in his body is the main attraction of this film. The giant eyeball looking at the unsuspecting Planet Earth on [...]

Starring: Wesley Snipes, Stephen Dorff, Kris Kristofferson, N’Bushe Wright
Rule of Cheesy Movies #2: Anything containing a vampire is sure to contain much cheese. (rule #1 is anything containing vampyres is sure to be a winner.) Blade delivers on this front! Wesley Snipes stars as eponymous character, whose mom was bitten by a [...]

Starring: Christopher Atkins, Stacey Travis, Doug Wert
Did you ever wonder what happened to the boy from the Blue Lagoon? Well here he is, a couple of dacades later, as Dracula. Our story opens at the art gallery opening of Theresa, a lonely art restorer. Suddenly, a mysterious pasty-faced Rumanian who introdeces himself [...]

Kyle seems like your average teenage nerd. His parents are divorced, he spends all of his time in front of his computer, he seems like the perfect candidate for the trial test of Evolver. Evolver is a virtual reality game that Kyle is an expert at. In the virtual reality version, Kyle gone into a [...]

Starring: Christopher McDonald, Rachel Leigh Cook
The Etruscans predicted that Satan would return to Earth sometime in this century. In fact, they even built a very sinister clock to mark the time until he arrives. When the clock reaches 666 o’clock- watch out! Some monks will have to sacrifice 18 corpses with human [...]

Starring: Mira Sorvino
What? Monsters loose in NYC’s subway system? Anyone who’s gotten off at 42nd St. could tell you that!
Anyway, a plague is killing all of NY’s children. The plague is carried by cockroaches. A Scientist (played by Mira Sorvino) has genetically engineered a cross between a roach and a termite [...]

Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Donald Sutherland, one of those Baldwins
A Russian communications ship is in the middle of the ocean communicating with the Mir Space Station. Suddenly, something attacks the space station and blows everything up on earth and in space. What was that? Cut to a small tugboat staffed by an international [...]

This movie opens in the jungles of South America. A tribe of jungle people is performing some kind of dimly lit ritual… A white man screams in pain… cut to a shipyard… Then for the next ten minutes or so you have absolutely no idea what’s going on.
But pretty soon you learn that something [...]

The box says this movie will “bring my worst nightmares to the screen.” I won’t argue with that! Yet another low-budget shocker that has the plot of sci-fi horror but the look and feel of soft core porn. Perhaps this is due in part to the excellent soundtrack, composed and performed by “The Gremlin.” Although [...]