CineBad!!!

Was Jude crazy, or was she driven crazy by her husband’s eyebrows? Starring: Jamie Lee Curtis, Joanne Walley-Kilmer, Peter Gallagher, Vanessa Redgrave It’s the story, of a man named Robert, who was raising two huge eyebrows of his own… they were four men, living all together, but they were all alone! Till the one day [...]

The Golden Age of Hairdos Starring: Ona Munson, Walter Huston, Victor Mature, Gene Tierney What is The Shanghai Gesture? Is that like the Brooklyn Salute? Anyway, this sinful story takes place in Shanghai, the East’s City of Pleasure. Our tale revolves around Mother Gin Sling, an Asiatic Empress of Pleasure (totally played by a white [...]

Starring: Bette Davis, Wendy Craig, Jill Bennett, William Dix It’s not exactly a Mean Mother Movie, because it’s the Nanny, not the mother who is mean (the mother is just irritating.) But I think that Mean Caregivers are a nice subcategory of the Mean Mother genre. This is the tale of the torment of one [...]

I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaahn’t! Starring: Bette Davis, Wendy Craig, Jill Bennett, William Dix Hm. As Scooter asked me while watching this film, “so, was Bette Davis ever young?” I think maybe she was… like in the nineteen-twenties. Bette stars as– what? a creepy old lady?! No way!!! OK, the main players here include: Nanny, the creepy old [...]

You’ve got quite a ‘tude, man! Starring: Joan Jett, Michael J. Fox, Gena Rowlands “You’ve got quite a ‘tude, man. You should start a band and call it The Attitude.” Yes, it’s Joan Jett, in all her macho badass self, telling off Michael J. Fox. I actually liked this film a lot, although it was [...]

Starring: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Gabriel Byrne, Robin Tunney The plot is simple: Arnold Schwarzenegger, a disgruntled alcoholic former cop, saves the world from a Satanic prophesy by wielding large weapons. What more can I say? The cheese is laid on thick in this high predictability factor action thriller. Lots of stuff blows up, and there is [...]

Pa pa pa papapapap papapa Papageno! Starring: Josef Köstlinger, Håkon Hagegård, Ulrik Cold, Irma Urrila What kind of monsters could sit there and make fun of Mozart’s magnum opus, The Magic Flute? What kind of monsters could rank on the masterpieces of Ingmar Bergman? Scooter and Krustee can! I love Bergman films, and I like [...]

Starring: Jessica Lange, Gwyneth Paltrow I wasn’t quite sure what I was getting myself into with this one. It was “rent 3 get a free sci-fi tape” night at the local video store, and we had 3 picked out, one of them being a sci-fi flick. So I grabbed “Hush” and ran. “What sort of [...]

Starring: Faye Dunaway This is the movie that made thousands of people question their motives for using wire clothes hangers. See the film if you haven’t already, and you will too! It’s the tragic tale of Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway), the famous 1930s cleanliness-obsessed movie actress and her adopted daughter Christina. She has an adopted [...]

Starring: Patricia McCormack Wouldn’t it be nice to have a Mommy who would stick up for you? A Mommy who would kill the teacher who gave you a B-? Little Jessica-Anne loves her Mommy, and her Mommy loves… blood! This movie stars the chick from the Bad Seed as a Tipper Gore -esque PTA mom [...]

OK, OK, this isn’t actually a bad movie. It’s a really good move. I love this movie. It tells the tale of Fenix, a lusty mental patient with a darkly stained childhood in the world’s worst circus, who is one day rescued by his armless mother, a fallen cult leader who worships the raped and [...]