CineBad!!!

Your heartstrings begin to be tugged at right from the very first scene of this movie, when the Mom (Janine Turner, of Northern Exposure fame), the Snotty Older Sister (Casey Evans) and the protagonist are in a car, leaving their hometown. The protagonist (Zack, played by Dustin Hunter Evans) mournfully sets the scene when he [...]

Starring: Nicholas Cage, Meg Ryan This is another movie that is specially formulated to make you cry every 5 minutes or so. It’s about a bunch of angels, who live in a library, and one of them (Nicholas Cage) falls in love with a mortal (Meg Ryan). Um, you cry some more and then they [...]

Was the Great Depression really THAT depressing?! Starring: Kyle MacLachlan, Alison Eastwood, Aaron Pearl OK, OK– this movie isn’t set in the future, but I’m still calling it “Futuristic.” So sue me! It didn’t really fit into any of the other categories so well. This is the story of a small town in the mountains [...]

Starring: Robin Williams, Monica Potter This movie has a good intention. I mean, nobody likes to be in the hospital, and suicidal “Patch” Adams sees this. His whole deal is to turn his life around- go from a suicidal depressed person to a doctor who will heal his patients with humor. It’s all very noble, [...]

Starring: Robin Williams, Annabella Sciorria, Cuba Gooding Jr. OK, I’ll admit that watching this movie was nice. The special effects were pretty and the scenes of Hell were really cool. However, besides the effects, there’s not much else. This is yet another movie that’s scientifically formulated to yank as many tears as possible from the [...]

Starring: Juliette Lewis, Giovanni Ribisi, Diane Keaton, Tom Skerrit OK, I’ll admit that Juliette Lewis is one of my least favorite actresses on the planet, so this review is a little bit biased. In fact, one of the only things worse then seeing Juliette Lewis in a movie is seeing Juliette Lewis play a retard [...]

Hey, man, you’re whacked! Starring: Philip Michael Thomas, Rosalind Cash, Vernee Watson-Johnson No, they didn’t actually say this in the film, but I was sorely tempted to yell it at Scooter while we were watching “Death Drug.” This is the story of Mr. Tubbs from Miami Vice battling the drug WHACK– not the same as [...]

Starring: Lynn-Holly Johnson Lexi is a small town girl with a lot of ice skating talent. She gets discovered by a big ice skating talent agent and goes to the big city where she has lots of adventures, including going blind. We see her overcome adversity in a touching way. Lee, my mom’s hippie burnout [...]

Even a simple case of Saturday Night Fever could end his life. Starring: John Travolta, Glynnis O’Connor This is the story of Todd Lubitch (Travolta,) the Boy in the Plastic Bubble. Why is he in the bubble? Because he was born with no immune system. That’s right, even a simple case of the sniffles could [...]

Ok, I’ll buy the calendar, can we get on with the plot? Starring: Ethan Hawke, Youki Koudoh, Rick Yune, Max Von Sydow This film wasn’t exactly cheesy, per se, but it was presented in an extremely cheesy manner. The story itself was interesting– Ishmael, a white guy in the 1950′s Pacific Northwest (Ethan Hawke) is [...]

Starring: Val Kilmer, Mira Sorvino When I first started watching this one, I thought to myself, “Oy! not another movie about blind people who ice skate!” But I was pleasantly surprised. Ice skating makes up a relatively small portion of this film. Its’ about Amy (Sorvino), a lonely architect, who falls for Virgil (Kilmer,) her [...]

Starring: Demi Moore, Woody Harrelson, Robert Redford Plot in a nutshell: happily married husband and wife (Diana and David, Moore and Harrelson) are in debt. Millionaire (Redford) sees Diana and offers them $1,000,000 to sleep with her. Making the the decision whether or not to accept this proposal is a big deal. The happy couple [...]

Starring: Julia Roberts, Hugh Grant If you liked Four Weddings and a Funeral, then you’ll love this one! Basically it’s the same thing- Hugh Grant, everyone’s favorite lovable rapidly blinking Englishman falls for a bimboesque American chick. This time it’s movie star Anna Scott (Julia Roberts). She’s not quite as airheaded as Andi McDowell, but [...]

Starring: Sandra Bullock, Harry Connick Jr. This movie has just about every cliche known to Hollywood. If you like sappy cute semi-tear jerkers, you’ll love this Chick Flick. It was so corny you almost had to love it …almost. Sandra Bullock stars as a former beauty queen whose husband dumps her on a national talk [...]

Starring: Brad Pitt, Anthony Hopkins What would it be like if Death himself came to the world of the living disguised as a clueless stud? This movie examines that scenario in great detail (a two-tape set). When Bill, the Rich guy’s life span is about to expire (Hopkins,) Death himself decides to hang out with [...]

Starring: Susan Sarandon, Julia Roberts, Ed Harris This movie is kind of amusing at first, when everyone is bitchy and mean. It’s a tale of a divorced man and the relationship between his ex-wife (Jackie, played by Sarandon,) his kids (Ben and Anna, played by Liam Aiken and Jena Malone) and his new fiance (Isabel, [...]

Starring: Kevin Costner, Whitney Houston Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston make the World’s Most Unbelievable Couple in a movie (I think they received an Oscar nomination for this fact) in this tale of love, betrayal, and Rock n’ Roll. Frank Farmer (Costner) is a former government security guard who now designs security systems for people. [...]

Starring: Jennifer Aniston What happens when a recently-dumped gay guy moves in with a straight girl he just met? They decide to raise a kid, of course! Jennifer Aniston, the woman who spawned the haircut of a generation, wanders around in a nightmare of co-dependence, as her roommate falls for some weird guy who lives [...]