Barbarella is a lovely little romp through the sexist world of Outer Space. Jane Fonda plays Barbarella, a space-age superheroine whose many talents include undressing in zero-gravity. Her mission is to find the rogue scientist Duran Duran and return him to Planet Earth. Along the way she encounters an army of fanged dolls, a black tyrant, a lake of liquid evil called the Matmos, and Dildano, an impotent counter-terrorist. I could go on and on about this movie’s many cheesy touches, such as Barbarella’s fur-lined spaceship, but you should probably just go out and see for yourself.

Boobs. Boobs. Boobs. That’s the main point of this movie. Boobs and blood. Somebody is going around killing people. Who is it? It’s pretty obvious, but I won’t ruin the suspense. Sharon Stone stars as the key suspect, who bares her boobs, has sex with people and makes out with women. Michael Douglas stars as the cop who gets suspended even though he’s obsessed with a murder case. He gets to have sex with people a lot as well. This is definitely a movie to pass up if you don’t like the sight of breasts.

This is one of John Waters’ earlier films, and probably second only to Multiple Maniacs in terms of sheer weirdness.

Mink Stole (the world’s only female drag queen) stars as a rich shrieking housewife who one day murders her husband and sets off in a stolen car with her maidservant. Eventually they encounter Mortville, a shantytown of outlaw Lesbians, where they can hide from the law. Edith Massey plays the camp’s Evil Ruler, Queen Carlotta, who enslaves the Lesbians and keeps a harem of fishnet-clad young men for her personal pleasure.

Mink succumbs to the romantic advances of her maidservant, but eventually her feelings of guilt and shame bring an end to her lesbian exploits. She turns against her new friends and hatches a scheme to take control of Mortville.

Carlotta decides that it would be a good idea to infect the Lesbians with rabies, and Mink strikes a deal: her life in exchange for her help on the project. Eventually Mink and the Evil Queen engage in a Joseph Campbell-esque struggle for power.

If you’re a butch Lesbian, or love someone who is, you’ll love this film.

John Waters thinks this is the best movie ever made. Why not? It’s the epic adventure of four voluptuous go-go dancers who like to spend their free hours drag racing and making smartaleck remarks. “Yeah, so what’s your point?” “No return, and you just crossed it!” Soon they leave the racetrack to burn a fiery trail of death across the desert.

This film dates from a time when “politically correct” was not even a faint glimmer in someone’s eye. It spares no sexist remark, bars no holds when it comes to disgusting sight gags. The plot is fast-moving and even ties everything up in a neat moral bow, just in case you get the wrong idea from its laff-a-minute violence. The fantastic Haji herself (who stars as “Rosie”) has visited our site.

Ming the Merciless decides to terrorize Earth by unleashing such meteorological horrors as “hot hail” (whatever?) upon us. Flash is a lovable yet dorky football player who accidentally gets shot into space by a crazy ex-NASA mad-scientist type.

Flash must now wear skimpy outfits, flirt with cosmic babes, get hit on by gay space-villian-types, and endure the same four bars of a Queen song over and over again until the Earth is… saved? Plus, whenever the bad guys die, they bleed bright blue paint! You won’t want to miss the gratuitous football- themed fight scene.

Here’s a nostalgic look at the sixties that doesn’t involve Tom Hanks.

Long before Ricky Lake was the queen of daytime trash TV, she was the queen of the hop. Here she stars as Tracy Turnblad, a girl from the wrong side of the tracks who rises to fame on the “Corny Collins” TV dance show. Tracy jumps around in cute little dresses, sets her hair on juice cans, and models for the “Hefty Hideaway Boutique.”

But when the TV station won’t let her best friend, Penny Pingleton, and her black boyfriend on the show at the same time, Tracy heads up an integrationist movement. Soon she’s being chased by her parents, the police, and a psychologist (director John Waters) who wants to “cure” the girls of their affection towards black folks.

You just can’t go wrong with a movie that has Sonny Bono, Blondie, Pia Zadora, and the guy from the Cars. I really can’t say enough good things about this movie. If you die without seeing this movie, it’s your own damn fault.

Although Divine stars in this movie, it’s not a John Waters film. It’s too bad, because it ultimately falls short of the master. It’s not a complete bust, however.

Divine plays a hapless young maiden who sets out across the desert to a find her fortune in the town of Chile Verde. What she finds instead is a burning hunk of Tab Hunter and an evil bordello owner. But where things may appear sweet and innocent on the surface… underneath is a roiling sea of greed and deception! By far the best thing about this movie is the appearance of Nedra Voltz (remember Miss Teasdale from The Dukes of Hazzard?) who plays an aging hussy whose only dream is to wear a pretty frock.

A lovely film with many off-color scenes, but unfortunately, a slightly sluggish plot.

Plot in a nutshell: happily married husband and wife (Diana and David, Moore and Harrelson) are in debt. Millionaire (Redford) sees Diana and offers them $1,000,000 to sleep with her. Making the the decision whether or not to accept this proposal is a big deal. The happy couple break up, reunite etc.

What was so riveting about this movie was not the actual film itself, but hearing the conversations of the viewers on their way out of the theater. Eavesdropping in on these snippets of conversation gave me valuable insight into human socio-psychology. For example, here’s one exerpt:

Wife (hesitantly, to husband): Honey? Um, would you let me do that? For a million dollars?
Husband: Honey, I’d let you go for 10 bucks and a six-pack of Bud!

And another example:

Woman 1: Ok. You get a million dollars AND you get to sleep with Robert Redford? What’s the decision?
Woman 2: Yeah, I can understand having a hard time deciding between Robert OR a million bucks, but BOTH?!?!

There you have it. If you can’t see this film in a theater, then at least rent it with a bunch of strangers. It will inspire many ethical and moral debates.

When I heard that this film existed, I could hardly believe it! It does exist and it far exceeds all of my wildest cheesy dreams. I have no idea where or if you can rent it on tape, so watch it if you can!

The year: 1975. The scene: a kitchen, somewhere in outer Baltimore. “Here’s your mail, Miss Massey!” “Why, thank you! Oh, look at all the nice letters! Oh how nice! Oh look at this one! Oh how nice! I wonder who could have sent me this NICE LETTER!?”

Cut to a piano bar. The mood is sultry, low-down. Pleasant piano jazz wafts appealingly through the air. In the spotlight, a single, radiant woman stands. It’s Edith Massey, star of Pink Flamigos, Desperate Living, and Female Trouble! And she’s about to take you on a magical trip through her rocky rise to stardom!

We see Edie as the unfortunate foster child who throws soapy water upon the fishnets of her evil foster sisters. We also see Edie the street vender, who gets mixed up in some shady night life and becomes Edie the Barroom Babe. We also see Edie the Madam, Edie the Small Businesswoman, and Edie the Starlet! But that’s not all! We also get to see what John Waters looked like in ‘75 with long hair!

If you don’t know who Edith is, she’s the mother of fugitive criminal Babs Johnson, who lives in a playpen and spends her days screaming for eggs. She’s also the evil Queen Carlotta, ruler of a shantytown inhabited by lesbian fugitives, who attempts a Jonestown-esque massacre involving rabies injections. She’s also Cuddles, the limousine-riding cleaning lady Billionaire, who tries to save her “purr, purr” friend Francine from ruin. She’s also a very nice person.

This has to be one of the greatest films ever to have an aspect ratio of 1.37:1 (factlet courtesy of the Internet Movie Database.

Someone told you that John Waters is cool and you want to see all his films! If only you could see all of John Waters’ films, then you would be a fascinating, intelligent person who would act hip at parties. Well, feel free to skip this John Waters film!

This highly irritating work of cinema is a good ol’ fashioned tale of redemption, shot entirely in black and white and without dialogue. Although the plot holds together pretty well (considering the lack of dialogue) and there are some pretty precious scenes (such as when Divine gets a visit from the Blessed Virgin Mary at the laundromat) the incredibly disjointed and repetitive soundtrack (consisting of a bunch of highly mutilated rockabilly songs) made it really hard for me to enjoy this film. It probably also didn’t help that I was drinking bad wine at the time, which made me sick.

John, if you’re reading this, it doesn’t mean that I love you any less.